I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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