it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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