He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
