the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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