he shaved USA in his pubs
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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