turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
