How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
