Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Someone came in the potted fern
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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