his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
