Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
