So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
