I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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