Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
