You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just got carded by a ten year old.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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