He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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