I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
