Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
