it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
