just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
