i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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