Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
