hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize