i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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