I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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