call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
