Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Boobs speak an international language.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
