So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
