I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
