Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
it's like heaven, but drunker
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
