oh god the rape fog is back!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
