my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize