When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
