Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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