My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
