mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
