4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
