At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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