i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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