I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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