I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I had to cum in my sink.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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