Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
