Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I party with great urgency now.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
