I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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