No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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