did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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