So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize