I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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