Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
