I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
