Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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