Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
