I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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