I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize