Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Me. At least after what I've been through.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
