when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
