i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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