I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
