so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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