she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
