hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
