i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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