Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
