Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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