Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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