How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
