I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
