ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
