Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
