all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
