I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize