got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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