everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I will pee on everything he values.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I need to align my fucking chakras
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
